Thursday, February 2, 2012

"Bloomsburg Fire Department, I have enjoyed your Bingo Games until now. Does "under new management" mean you're going to stop raising the jackpot numbers and dollar amounts each week? If so, your cause will diminish. Your past management was good, why change it?"

Concerned Player
Berwick Woman

These days serious problems are hurting everybody. Pollution, war, starvation, bingo....
I wish this Berwick Woman would have gone more in depth. I'm not a bingo player and my grandmother has better things to do, so I don't understand what's troubling her exactly.  Perhaps this entry isn't about bingo at all. Perhaps this is a giant metaphor for our country's current situation. Think about it.
Bloomsburg Fire Department = United States politicians
Bingo = United States government
This person clearly want the "Bloomsburg Fire Department" to raise the jackpot numbers, aka the budget.
Dear Lord she's a genius.

"I went that extra mile"

Thursday, January 26, 2012

"Fitness tip: Hard-boiled eggs are an excellent source of choline, and important nutrient that helps regulate the brain, nervous system, and cardiovascular system. And just one egg a day can help prevent macular degeneration and cataracts. But hard boiled eggs can somewhat unpalatable on their own. That's why I always go the extra mile and prepare my hard-boiled eggs the Scotch way: wrapped in sausage, coated with with breadcrumbs, and cooked a nice golden brown in my Fry Daddy. Delicious and nutritious! Believe me, they're the best power food for keeping me and Jazzy fueled up on our all-day shopping trips! (Well, next to french fries)"

Fat but Fit
Danville woman, email

Wow. A Fry Daddy huh? Am I supposed to be impressed, or do you just enjoy telling people useless details about your life. SPOILER ALERT: By submitting this whole paragraph you have proved that you do. Also, that intimate detail about your guilty pleasure, the french fry, really made me feel a bond between us. Mrs. Fat but Fit, you truly are a magnificent specimen. I would love nothing more than to visit your trailer park and talk all about different ways to prepare eggs.
F-
Just kidding.

I present to you the glorious Fry Daddy

"Geisinger sux , and i cant spell.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

"This is about the artcal that Geisinger is urging people to go meatless. I think that they have no right to do that. What is next ? Are they going to tell a women that is going to have to abort it if they think that there is something wrong with it. Or kill it after it is born , when they find something wrong with it at that time. To save a few dollars . Face it The price of health care is going up so that Geisinger can keep bulding , buildings . Also so they can get rich faster, while others go hungery or cold because Geisinger just wants the insurance money. Ten to one , If a person has no insurance they will turn the person away."

Bloomsburg Woman, email

Oh God! Who told her the "metal pizza box" was actually a laptop?

There are so many things wrong with this email. Halfway through typing this my auto-correct swore at me and then hung himself on a usb cable. My favorite part is right at the end where she says, "Ten to one , If a person has no insurance they will turn the person away."
Yes, good job that is a ratio. We are all very proud of you.

F-
Better luck next time "Bloomsburg Woman." Try NOT drinking the bong water.